I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
