And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
