Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
A+ Viking dick
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
