I am puke
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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