i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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