The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
