Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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