Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
