My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
