it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
