used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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