I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
