So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
