apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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