I CAN MOONWALK!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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