pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
