I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize