i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
