don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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