I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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