I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
