at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
