my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize