I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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