Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
