You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
