i love accidental penises.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
