I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
