Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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