Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
