me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You ruined the universe
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
