I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
