I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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