put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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