she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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