we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
