I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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