in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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