It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
did i walk over a car last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize