Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize