apparently the secret to your success is patron
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Damn victory sex feels great
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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