I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize