I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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