Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
