i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
