So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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