please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
