what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
