Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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