Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
