my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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