Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
