my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
