By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
