$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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