Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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