I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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