i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my phone needs a breathalizer
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize