His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
