i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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