im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
