then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
