Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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