Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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