Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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