just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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