don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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