You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
