This is not my ceiling
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
